Crimson Bisque

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Now then! As Angus is prone to saying *waves at Angus if he reads this*

Finally managed to get my deposit back. after much trial and tribulation!

it all started last friday. it marked one month after i had moved out of my old flat. i texted her 2 weeks ago only to have her say no the bills weren't in. and no her dad has not checked the room yet.

two week had past since and i figured i had given her an ample amount of time to settle everything. it's been a month for goodness sake!

Friday till Sunday: texted to ask if i could come round.

Sunday: finally got a reply with something to the effect of sorry she wasn't in much this weekend but that the bills were in. (she was supposed to text me when the bills came in. did she? no!) i replied and said i've just come out from church, and could i pop by?

she said she was in bed with the cold (which i believed at the time. though it was only 8+ at night), and that she would be in next week and that i could pop by sometime then.

Monday: i text her again and ask if i could come round. NO REPLY.

Tuesday: i text her to ask if i could come over. she said things were very hectic this week as it is the last week of the block, so she would not be in. (but she said i could pop by next week? why did she say that if she was not going to be in?) but that i could come by during the weekend.

Thursday: i text her again, and she said she did not know what her schedule would be like and that she would text me once she got things sorted out.

i was quite annoyed that she kept blowing me off! i don't care if she moved her boyfriend or someone else in. i don't give a crap. i just want what is mine back. but i walked over to aaron's place as planned.

aaron was furious to say the least. he kept swearing and after a while decided we should go over to her house before dinner (we were supposed to go out with raj and sanka) and buzz on her door (an idea that was endorsed by mairi, my current flatmate, as well as many other pple, like. DAD. who i think is a great authority on such matters heehee). well, we went and she wasn't in.

dinner was great though. caught up with raj and sanka. haven't seen them for ages and it was great to chat. sanka has such an exciting life lined up for him. in nanotechnology of all things!:) i really do wish him all the best and every success at what he does.

either way, on impulse, aaron decided that we should go back to her flat and buzz at her door. so raj dropped us off there and.... BUZZ.... no reply.. BUZZ.... no reply.... BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ. by then i was actually thinking of giving up. but her lights WERE on and we knew she was in. i was pulling aaron away but he refused to be swayed. so the man WHIPS OUT HIS PHONE AND CALLS HER (well, i DID use to live there so he has the number) and manages a conversation with her. at one point i could tell he was just about to shout at her, and was really worried. but i was so proud of him. he kept his cool and ended the conversation.

he said she didn't like my tone over my sms. and what is so wrong with insisting she give me a definite date and time for meeting this weekend?

he said she said we of all people should know how tough it is going through 4th year. girl, it's tough, but not THAT tough. if i can find time to go over to your place, you can spare at least 5 freaking minutes to write me a cheque. i dont' care if you are in pyjamas. you still have hands. you can still write a cheque. you still have legs. you can still walk to the door in your tiny flat to open the door and use those hands to give me a cheque.

she offered to post everything to me. no way. if you can post it to me, you can write a cheque and hand it to me personally. especially when i show up at your door. how inconvenient is that? walking to the post office and queing up takes much longer and if you have no money say you don't have any money. how do i know you're not going to rip me off for the bills. so no i am not going to accept some posted stuff?!

finally she texts me the next day to say me her at sunday at 1.

we arrive there and she doesn't even let me go in. meets me at the door and passes everything to me. aaron thinks she may not want me to step into the flat. WHO CARES!

i finally got my money back and that's that. finally. i'm done with her. she is just another person. i will try my best not to hold a grudge. unforgiveness and bitterness twists you into a person you don't like, a horrid reflection in the mirror. i wont' let it happen again.

now i'm feeling ok about it. i've always felt rather ok about it except during the night she told me, and the time she said that it was WEIRD that aaron's flat was repaired so soon after she told me.

unfortunately for me, i realise that i'm not ok. i'm still plagued by disturbed sleep. i have dreams that don't make sense and i often wake up at least an hour before i'm due to get up. i'm so tired during the day and my memory is horrible at the moment. i tear up at the smallest things. adjustment reaction? i've suppressed it and now it is coming out?

has this incident thrown me more than i think it has? it's certainly made me doubt who i think i am. am i that horrible? is it really my fault that she kicked me out? like she said? all i was trying to do was to be helpful. i dont' know what to think. it's made me totally rethink my self-image.

i feel like there is this fog that i'm living in. like nothing is clear and i'm merely floating through life.

work has kept this out of my mind. Inverclyde keeps us busy. but at night weird dreams still plague me and i awaken still so so tired.

inverclyde, inverclyde. in a sense it's nice to be away from glasgow, gives you time alone to think. the accomodation is er, ok i guess, though on the 2nd night, the shower room window got blown in by the wind into the sink (it's very windy in Greenock). i'm on the ground floor. so i had to erm, shower with my back towards the window. and the "shower" it's actually a bath tub with hoses attached to the hot and cold taps. with a shower head at the end of the hose. ARGH!!!

i am glat though, that mairi and aaron have been very supportive, always cheering me up when i'm down.

till next time, i really hope i can get some decent sleep, at least of pleasant dreams.

Inscribed @ 9:10 pm