Crimson Bisque

Thursday, July 21, 2005

1. feel like closing the blog..

have not really had motivation to blog for quite some time.... maybe it's a dry patch... a bump in the road...

when you have a blog you sort of have a relationship with it...

you want your blog to look good.. to be a representation of you... to do your PR for you of sorts....

where you pen down your thoughts and dreams and frustrations (to put it mildly)

yet sometimes i feel like i can't.... that i'm too insignificant.. why the heck should i write about my life?!

i started the blog to let my friends know how i'm doing... but nowadays i think people hardly read it.. it's lost it's raison d'être so to speak...

i'm saddened at this state of affairs.. and i just dunno what to do abt it.

2. grandfather has good and bad days

things were looking up after he was admitted... though he was still breathless while lying down or moving too much (orthopnoea and exertional dyspnoea possibly due to right ventricular muscle weakening which resulted in pulmonary oedema... and you know what... i think i feel worse when i actually know what's going on inside his body...) then he got better... his rosy complexion returned.. and he looked like he was getting out of the hospital on wed/thurs

today is thurs and he had what the doctors think was a mild heart attack at 4am in the morning... to make things worse his ward mate was making a lot of noise last night... quarreling with his wife (and according to grandpa.. looked as though he was going to beat the wife up!) and then with the nurse or something... so he only managed to sleep at 12...

4 hours sleep and he gets awakened by chest pains... drs took some blood to check the enzyme levels in his blood..

he looked tired and a little sad today... i think he really thought he didn't have to live with those pains again.. yet the doctor told him the pain could recur again... made him a little depressed...

it just worries me with the ups and downs...

have been bringing him reader's digest to read in the hospital (he has no TV in his ward) and now am thinking maybe to bring my old discman in... the one with radio built into it... and a pair of earphones so he can listen to the radio on bed... at least he can listen to the news if he's too tired to read yeah? (like today..)

i just hope he pulls through... so that i can come back in december to celebrate his 80th bday.. i know i was reluctant at 1st.. cos i wanted to go travelling... but now i just feel totally unfilial

3. shall i cook?

have been really tired of late... tonight's late hospital visit coupled with tmr's early rise (have to accompany my aunt to the doctor to do an endoscopy tmr).. so i haven't actually bought any groceries.. and i have to visit my grandfather tmr as well... so i dunno if i have time to cook..

but i did say i'd cook... i think will have to order pizza in and just take a rain check..

still leaves me feeling bad though...

Inscribed @ 3:58 pm