i can remember back in the day when i took ballet in primary school(don't laugh.. i know most of you are pissing in your pants already...)... i don't remember many of the steps or anything.. but i remember this.. my teacher scolding me in front of the whole class for being lazy and me bursting into tears... bloody hell.. i haven't thought of that in ages...
but here it is... popping up... from that i remembered how my piano teacher used to scold me as well... i don't know why... probably cos i haven't practised enough or something...
dunno why.. just felt sad and angry remembering that... maybe i'm just looking at myself now... and realising how much i've changed.. or haven't changed..
i've changed cos all the stuff i'm doing now is by choice... and cos i chose my own path.. i feel more dedicated to it then let's say.. learning the piano...
i know i chose to learn ballet.. but that was cos i didn't really like anything else..
but with this choice that i've made to study medicine.. shouldn't i be studying harder than ever?
i just feel incredibly lazy at the moment... studying is moving at a snail's pace.. quite disappointing really...
though i am happy that i'm not stressed.. i think i have to channel not being stressed to having better focus... when you're stressed nothing gets in your head i suppose...
sigh... finding the balance is always difficult.. with all these horrid memories back to haunt me... i think i'm freaking myself out... that something horrible is going to happen this year.. that i'll just end up like the failure i was back in the day (i gave up both ballet and the piano in the end)
plus my folks are really wanting me to do well... i guess they weren't really pleased with my grade last year...
just feel rather bleah really... excuse the rambling...
Inscribed @ 8:54 pm
-raison d'être-
Crimson Bisque
Seconded by her friends
Hooked after a few blogs
Doomed to express herself
every now and then
Crimson: red
Bisque: White unglazed porcelein
Crimson bisque:
A little rough around the edges,
rather fragile and stained red by the
change Jesus death and his blood
has brought about in my life
