Crimson Bisque

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

CG was great tonight....

lots of conflicting emotions whirled round.. so i just sat there looking like i was constipated... i mean.. CONTEMPLATING *snigger*

but truthfully though... was getting a bit annoyed that we were getting distracted and quite off topic! and the main person that was doing it.. well really annoyed me!

and i was beginning to feel that i'm no longer getting anything from CG... but that's really selfish i think.. to only wish for self learning and not for others to learn along with me.. oh how the devil sows seeds of evil in your heart!

plus had a bout of low self esteem in CG for a REALLY stupid reason.... but hey... the CG topic was on the Power of Jesus.. and with Jesus on my side.. how can i not feel better about myself?

then it came to prayer time!

siu kwan prayed for me this time round.. and for some reson.. even though i didn't mention it in my prayer request... she started praying that i will still find CG a place of support.. and she thanked the Lord for bringing me back to CG... she knew exactly what i felt i was lacking in CG... i just felt that the Lord was speaking through her to get to me.. to encourage me and reassure me that this is the place for me to be... and yes Lord.. i'm glad to be back too! i can't believed i missed out on all the fellowship all this while.. sigh... but hey.. at least i know now right?

the next thing that struck me was when it came to my turn to pray...

1st of all.. i prayed for the person who annoyed me... strange right... but you know what's even stranger.. that through my prayer.. i began thanking God for what she has brought to the CG.. and right there and then i realised how foolish i am! that i failed to look past the petty things and see the beauty of God's work in her and THROUGH her...

plus it was actually on purpose that i prayed for her.. ok this may sound strange.. but it was cos i remembered there was something in the bible that said pray for your enemies or something to that effect...

ok so the girl isn't my enemy... but she certainly didn't sit well with me tonight.. and i figured that's an even greater reason to pray for her... partly to find peace with her within me... but hey.. the Lord threw in something extra! praise the Lord!:)

Next thing was i prayed for Mel... mel's been ill and has had to cut classes cos of that... and is now having to catch up with work! starangely enough i didn't have a reason to pray for her... i felt that my prayer was God's words and not my own... that God was the one reminding me of a wonderful friend and a wonderful person in God's eyes... and that she's feeling a little down and out.. i know you guys probably think it's just my memory kicking in... but hey.. who gave us memory in the 1st place? the Lord! the feeling i had when i was praying for her was indescribible...

I thank the Lord for all my experiences and how He has proven that i do have the strength to resist temptation to be bitter... angry.... and to move away from God in general....

another thing to bring up.. i realised my prayer requests this week were of things to be thankful for.... and not so much all the problems i have... i dunno.... i feel like this is taking the right step to conquering low self esteem.. that there are so many things to be thankful for.. that they overshadow all the problems we have... for if God gives us so many things we are thankful for.. surely He can brings us through the problems we face...

"Everything is possible for Him who believes" - Mark 9:23

I'm trying to believe Lord.. like the father character in Mark 9... i pray you help me "overcome my unbelief!"

Inscribed @ 10:35 pm