i have a splitting headache from sleeping too little yesterday. and heavy lids that refuse to let me focus on my studies.
in my last entry i mentioned that my dad would be going for an op.. well he didn't.. decided to seek 2nd opinion so we'll see where that takes us!
my mood swings have been getting worse and worse. sometimes i really can't hold it together at all. and sometimes nothing will faze me. that's just well... horrible.
i really have no energy to do anything really... to study... to even be happy... heck this persistent tension (physically and emotionally) in my head is enough to drive me insane...
i keep thinking about how little self control i have.. how i fail to live up to even myself most times... if i can't live up to my own expectations.. how can i live up to others....
i told myself i won't worry.. cos i thought worrying gives me the mood swings... i figured being more assured would help.. and it has... just not quick enough to resolve all this tension in me...
sigh.. now i guess i have to foster some patience.. and while i'm doing so.. just be emotionally restrained... i may come off superficial and aloof... but heck.. i just might need that to calm my thoughts... to close my eyes at night and not have ominous dreams. ok, so i dont' remember those dreams.. but those dreams leave me afraid, confused, hurt. hurt. i'm feeling a lot of that. and i know i'm not the only one.
there's been a spat of quarterlifecrises spreading throughout some close friends of mine... well dearies.. you're not alone.. your old ah ma has a pain in her head and is currently the epitome of a pain in the arse to certain folk....
F*** these mood swings.. i think i need sleep. or maybe a new head.
Inscribed @ 5:46 pm
-raison d'être-
Crimson Bisque
Seconded by her friends
Hooked after a few blogs
Doomed to express herself
every now and then
Crimson: red
Bisque: White unglazed porcelein
Crimson bisque:
A little rough around the edges,
rather fragile and stained red by the
change Jesus death and his blood
has brought about in my life
