Crimson Bisque

Friday, September 10, 2004

sad today.. started when aaron left me to play badminton... just felt very sad at that moment... i mean hey we don't hang out together ALL the time... and we have to part company all the time.. so why was this time any different? *shrug* dunno why... just sad i guess. all i have are tears welling up in my eyes. in fact, i still do as i type this.

on the way home by bus was just sitting there thinking to myself.. my gosh the holidays are nearly over... i'll be leaving family and friends behind again... have i spent too little time with my family? am i a total bitch if that's the case? it's harder everytime you leave i think.. esp after such a long holiday here. i'd thought i'd be glad to go back... i guess i would.. but i'm glad for my time here as well. it taught me a lot of things.. helped me find some closure with regards to certain relationships... get over/let go of other relationships.. and of course... grow in other relationships.

the 1st 2 were the more shocking ones.. i didn't expect to be rid of echos that used to haunt me... doubts that i used to have... letting go is equally difficult... you have to accept certain things and adapt to new circumstances... another lesson worth learning i suppose.

maybe that's why i was sad. i was being left, the hand that's usually dealt to me.. and soon i'll be doing the leaving.... in a strange twist of fate i guess that's a position of power.. that i'm more in control and i should be happy about that... but life isn't all about control isn't it?

on the other hand.. i think the time i spent with each group of pple is just right... anymore time spent and i would have been bored and possibly argumentative... rather unpleasant note to leave on right?

i am still sad. tears still well up.

trying to arrange to meet groups of pple one last time isn't helping either... you want to meet pple.. but you can't satisfy everyone's time.... sigh...family commitments have made decisions for me though... so the days should be more or less settled.

went to fix my bro's watch today... i dunno why but i blew off going to a primary school outing. i was really tired i guess... of entertaining... but either way shopped at far east and bought 2 bags and erm... sorry limz.. 2 black tops... erm i'll get down to the counting and attempt to do a colour break down while i'm at it.... bought a scrapbook and some paint markers... hoping to do something about my amsterdam trip.. shall print some of the photos....

came home just after my bro and then took a shower.... then dad came home.. had a left over dinner.... sushi and oxtail soup from wednesday and nor hiang from yesterday.... yep.. then settled down to lord of the rings: the return of the king with dad... marc came to join us....

have realised one thing... i don't know why but there are some pple i admire.. but who have let me down... and cos of that i have a strange disdain for them.. i suppose they remind me of my weaker self... of someone's choice... of a better choice for someone... hopefully i'll get over that like i've gotten over certain relationships this summer...

well one thing can be said.. at least the summer was interesting eh?

Inscribed @ 6:07 pm