There are not many things that would make me say this... but sometimes i wish i was at home...
Is it better to be away from all the troubles i face here... or face them head on and risk getting hurt?!
the best part is that it's not the pain that gets to you.. it's the potential for pain that cuts deep...
Am i THAT afraid of the future that i'd run back into my depressing past? Life isn't a bunch of roses THAT much i've gathered....
Fear gripes me... my mind (bloody anatomy).. my heart (you pple figure that one out).. my soul (ah save me Lord...)
shit i'm in a depressed funk again... and i thought i was past all this?! apparantly not... nev would know... only one thing could get me this down and depressed (think back to J1 nev... with weird and awkward shit happening) ah well....
I think writing it all out really helps... purge the demons?! nah...it's not THAT effective... haha... that would probably be the reason why i think i'm going to fast next week..
I know you read my blog Marc... trust me i don't usually starve myself on purpose.. but this time i really need to seek God's wisdom... to DEPEND on his wisdom before i really make a major decision that has the potential to REALLY screw up my life... SIGH... look at how screwed up i am... swearing away the 1st half of my blog then saying how i depend on God... i guess this just affirms my belief that i should fast...
I'm not trying to lose weight marc dear...i just really need some time to sort out my thoughts and make myself right with God that's all....
Talked to my parents for 20+ min and talked to marc for 20+ mins as well... it was time well spent... really missed the sounds of their voices for some reason and i really needed that talk with them... and esp marc.. for some reason we haven't really been talking much.. but today... wow... you're feeling rather verbose today aren't you marc?! haha... not that it's a bad thing..... i really DO miss talking to ya! and i felt really really happy that we could talk and bitch abt certain pple haha... and that comment abt grandma wasn't very nice... but hey...i know where you're coming from... more christmas trees for us then huh? *malicious grin*
Oh well... this is an update of my life... i don't mean to leave such a depressing entry... but certain stresses and things in my life are just not right.. and it's not studies pple!
Have been praying for a few pple lately... i hope my prayers will be answered.... though i fear that the answered prayers may not come in answers i want... but it's not abt what i want isn't it... it's abt what God wants for us... and that frankly... scares the shit out of me sometimes... so yeah... fasting... will help purge all these fears and help me be less fearful and more willing to do God's work..
oh and marc.. don't say a word yeah?
Inscribed @ 6:44 pm
-raison d'être-
Crimson Bisque
Seconded by her friends
Hooked after a few blogs
Doomed to express herself
every now and then
Crimson: red
Bisque: White unglazed porcelein
Crimson bisque:
A little rough around the edges,
rather fragile and stained red by the
change Jesus death and his blood
has brought about in my life
