Watching me, wanting me, I can feel you pull me down. ~ Haunted by Evanescence.
I feel that way about my indecision. It makes me feel so weak and yet I can't walk away from it. This time last night I felt downright miserable.
Most of you already know that I've been accepted into Glasgow to study Med.... But that my dad wants me to stay here... cos of cost... and well you might not believe this... but also cos he wants me to come home and not get too settled there.... and worse... marry an ang moh hahaha...
Anyway, I'm frankly quite sick of being indecisive... yet it grabs me every now and then... brought on by bouts of low self esteem... I feel suddenly overwhelmed by my life and it makes me question everything i'm doing or plan to do. You might think i'm foolish... deep down I know what I want and I know I CAN do the things that i plan to do... but Doubt plunges in deep... and low self esteem is my past coming back to haunt me... Ah that's another story for another blog... but like the lyrics say... it hits the hardest when i feel there is so much i can do and there is so much i look forward to... like it's watching me... waiting for me and then draws me in and pulls me down....
It can be so exhausting... letting that kind of thing cripple you in a way.... I mean i know what my subconscious wants me to do.. it's this gut feeling that I know what i want... then all these little things distract me.. my conscious self and my subconscious go persona non grata...
I mean for crying out loud, look at the line of work i want to enter... indecisiveness isn't exactly one of the top ten qualities of a good doctor... this thing doesn't bode well for my career... haha felt good writing that out... now i actually feel better! :) yes well tmr is a brand new day... and i actually think i'm ready for it... becasue i have decided on glasgow and i'm sticking with it. No matter what.
Inscribed @ 3:51 pm
-raison d'être-
Crimson Bisque
Seconded by her friends
Hooked after a few blogs
Doomed to express herself
every now and then
Crimson: red
Bisque: White unglazed porcelein
Crimson bisque:
A little rough around the edges,
rather fragile and stained red by the
change Jesus death and his blood
has brought about in my life
