Crimson Bisque

Sunday, May 25, 2003

Ah i guess i should never label a week as a happy week. Cos goodness knows this sort of thing never comes to pass. Perhaps I jinxed it with my very words. Hardly a heartening thought. But considering what happened this week, i'd say it has been.... interesting....

1st the job thing... and BELIEVE me when i say i have a few choice words for the upper management... many of which involve alluding them to animals.... beasts in fact
Anyhow i've quit my job at Raffles, this time with my mother's blessings... why? cos well i have to tutor my brother. Quite worried for him actually... O levels are a comin' and things aren't looking up for him academically-wise. I sense a distinct fear in my mum that he'll turn out like me... neck-high in cca work and acomplete lack of devotion to school work... that's another thing that irks me... that my parents often associate negative things with council... partially my fault i'll admit... considering i completely threw myself into council work... but then again i have never felt so passionately for a cca... it was a whole new ball game for me... i mean to find something you believe in.. won't that make anyone lose themselves? I never undertook any leadership position before this... i guess in my haste to give my all to something i believed in... i neglected other impt parts of my life... but like i said before i would never have it any other way... But how can my parents DETEST something that i love so much... it always hurt me when they merely associated council with academic failure... they don't say it but well i guess freudian slips and little things like that do give me a good idea of what going through their heads. Somehow they can't see that council helped me grow in so many ways... that the experience helped define who i am today... that i am much better off being the girl i am now then the girl i could have been had i been a complete waste of space like i was in RG...

Perhaps I am overreacting... I sincerely hope that they see some good in council... some of my closest friends are from council... it's just not nice if your parents don't like your friends in a way... sigh... I should really pray abt this... this nagging feeling ain't exactly helping my happy week right? haha

anyhow... i think i've planned my break if i go to glasgow:
June tutoring marc (since mother is grounding me... i know you're thinking... at THIS age...sad but true)
July will be my happy month.... to do my thang!
August will prob be spent making various arrangements for school...
Sept will prob be the hardest... to prepare to leave everything behind...

Often I have wondered if going overseas is what i wanted or what i needed.... since jc i've felt this overwhelming need to get away from my folks... perhaps it's the rebellion in me.... i'm really not sure.. now that i've decided on med it's just where to go... glasgow really seems too good to pass up... i know many say well you can go overseas for your post-grad studies... can't they see things will be different by then? Now is the time that i'm still growing... more open to experiences... and this is going to come out very bad perhaps... but i somehow think s'poreans have a tendency to be well... narrow-minded... i really dont' want to become one of them... but i fear that an education in nus would not allow me to see past the results, the grades...

Anyhow, had dinner with a bunch of lower sec friends the other day and she solved my little prob somewhat... i told her of the need and want thing... and she said told me not to bother so much abt that... technically... we don't NEED to go to uni... we don't even NEED clothes.... modesty is something Man imposed on himself.... but we all want to go to uni and we wear clothes (but of course!) and i have a feeling the "what if" will bug me for the rest of my life if i don't go... sigh... *crosses fingers* i really hope they let me go.....

Inscribed @ 4:41 pm